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Table


Alexis Inglehart has been a collaborator of mine, and we wrote a song together. It's called Table.

We spoke about how it happened, who it's for, and what it all means. ⁠

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She says:

Table is a song for the delusional lover, refusing to acknowledge their own instability: an active refusal to reject the relationship process; a subconscious molding of the self in a desperate attempt to feel seen in your totality. The delusional lover who gives so much, but none of their self, leading to the question are you the table, or the person setting it?


I say:

I felt like the song was for the lover who cant express their affection through words.

It feels like an invitation to allow a person to take up space in your mind. .

We have two characters, but throughout we are speaking to someone who needs to allow themselves the room to express their emotional intimacies. To me, it feels like we’re inviting this character to make a place at this table.


Our favorite parts of the song, and the process:


“She wants your soul enough to hold...suture to recover.” For me, this feels like the climax of idolization of the “she.” At one point, we talked about reading your partner to the point of them being sort of uncomfortable. Love can sometimes be one sided. The other person searching for answers from their past relationships in you. You know this person won’t be around for the long run, but you insist on searching for your own answer in them. You found your answer, your bandaid, now you’re ready to leave. She’s essentially this witch that made you a healing potion and you didn’t pay the bitch, like damn.


“Funny to find you alone with a mention.”

It made me think about how social media and apps can make you feel. That you’ve been mentioned online, but you’re still alone, maybe in a few senses.


The thing about writing with Danielle, in my experience, is that it’s this universe of juxtapositions. It is this sort of very organized chaos. It’s entirely rejuvenating and exhausting. It’s like throwing back a triple shot espresso and chasing it with a smooth glass of merlot. Not to be dramatic, but we’re working with cancer and sag mercuries here. Now, to do this writing over text, you’d assume some of this energy would be lost. But it wasn’t lost so much as, more manageable? Because you could walk away from the energy more easily, and so the writing was able to be more pragmatic/calculated than emotionally driven, I suppose. It was more of a talk between friends about navigating love and relationships, than trying to give feelings words.


Yeah, I’d agree it’s hard to walk away from energy in person when writing. But I think I got lucky with you because you speak the same way that you communicate over text. So, no subtext was lost. It’s all detail, it’s all water, it’s great!

I think half the music was written when we started our conversation. And I remember having the opening melody in my head. I knew it gonna be that descending line. And we were chatting and I was reading and you said, “soul bending, bones breaking , beating….” and i was humming along and the words started to fill in one by one. I think there were some lines I really wanted to use, but couldn’t figure out a good syllable count. I chose to edit the lines you gave in the way that I did because sometimes you would give me a description of a feeling, but there weren’t enough words for me to break them into cadences...or there were too many words for a phrase and the cadence went long…. I tired to give and take..I wouldn’t change anything though. I like the way it came out. The music was easier to finish once we had the words, I wanted to add that majorish section to give contrast. I think Singing it was the most difficult because I needed to get the right emotion for each section. And honestly it’s not by best vocal performance, but it’s right emotion(s) throughout I think.


And then we talked about dating through our twenties and how our relationships and priorities have changed:


Dating was always physical. Not sexual, but like “what is this thing I’m feeling in the bones of my chest (my sternum i guess)?” Which is not to say there wasn’t an emotional or mental aspect, because of course there was. But I didn’t prioritize them and I certainly suffered for it. In my twenties, dating means finding a way to marry the physical, emotional, mental, and sexual when considering compatibility. I still date, but I leave quicker than I used to. Some people would consider that not giving a person a chance, I call it not wasting either of our time. I call it an achievement: I date with myself in mind. It’s fucking growth, imo.


Right!

I think I was dating because my friends were and that was the thing to do.

I think I was in a lot of relationships because I didn’t know what else to be doing outside of work.

Now It feels like I know what I want and what is important to me.


How have relationships changed….well I don’t have romantic ones anymore. It’s easy to disappear in a relationship when you never had a strong relationship with yourself. If I can love and respect and raise up myself and the ones I love, maybe one day I can make room for romance. Falling apart because someone lashes out when they realize your laugh doesn’t belong exclusively to them is no way to live a successful life.


My relationships, both platonic and romantic now revolve around music or the arts.

It’s important to me to stay inspired.



When we listen back to the song...


I’m the character who needs to open up. I relate to that person so much. I have trouble expressing my affections and I end up in similar situations.


A little sad, A little Angry. An Identity crisis as both characters.


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Thanks for reading!


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